Tuesday, June 18

MY GAWD! Last Day as a High School Junior

[sighing] school is out for a day so far. I went to the graduation last Monday after the school ended. It was HOT and crowded but the senior class is SMALL, small enough that the graduation only took an hour. I hugged Steven and stood beside him as a dumb blonde while everybody hugged him and congratulated him. Meanwhile, some other seniors like Natalie, Mian, and many more hugged me and such. As soon Steven and I were planning to leave, Rene stopped me. [UGH!] He said somewhat along the lines, "No more problems, it is over between us so let us go of it. OKay?" I was thinking, "Um, i had been over with it since the day one" but i was like "Oh sure, great. Um, Congrats" and gave him a quick hug [the type that you hug to lie "I am your friend!".. the type that you TRY to not touch the person you are intended to hug] and a pat onthe back and pulled back and told him, "finally you are graduating. If you stay another year, then it will be fucking embarassed to have you sitting beside me" *his last name's first intial is same as mine so ... you get the idea* and he was like "Oh no way!" and chuckled. I smiled with pain and told him that I have to go. Then I turned around and i COULD see Steven is MAD but he hid it. I told him, "let us GO now" he was like "Oh yes we better" and off we go. He, later in the day at the resturant, said, "that is kind of stupid of him to do it on the last day of school." I replied, "well he probably figured out that he was a fucking asshole and realized that it will be the LAST day for him to see me and the last chance to apolize for his fucking stupidity" Steven chuckled and nodded.
I realized that I got a potty mouth- potty hands in my case [remember, I am deaf and use American Sign Language]. I kept SWEARING and swearing. "Fuck" is my favorite word. It just became one of my regular word. But I only use it if I am pissed or try to make a point. 'DONT YOU FUCKING REALIZE THAT YOU HAVE BEEN IGNORED ME You FUCKWIT!" or somewhere like that. But for some reason, I always kept myself on watch whenever I am around adults or parents. "well, she fuckng- OH SHOOT, DOES ANYBODY SEE [hear] ME!?!" and looked around in panic. I just CANNOT swear in front of parents nor adults. I dont know why but I felt that it is a mortal sin to swear in front of adults who do have children same age as me.
[yawning] okay, I think you all have enough of kirsi today so bai bai

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