Monday, December 15

[sneaking around]

I don't know what to blog but I just feel like coming down here and... blog something.

today... I went by SDSU to sit in a class meeting for my art 101. Everybody had their turn presenting their final project which was their self-portraits but no actual drawings of face and so on of ourselves. I sat longer than anybody. I refused to go first or middle but was willing to go at near of the end... so I went up like third to the last person... and I presented my self-portrait. And everybody went silent. You see, the purpose of the meeting is to CRITICZE the final project and see how it can be improved... and everybody got a heavy load from the class (the class supposed to last an hr but instead it went over two hours because it took forever for a person to explain their counter-arguments to the suggestions for improvements).... I was like, "hmph, my self-portrait must be so intense and dense for them to ever dare to argue wtih me" because my final project was kind of blunt to the issue of deafness and discriminations. I started out, "Most of you won't understand this because you have no exposure to deaf world or culture so I am trying to stay light for you to not get so bored with mine" so I may have given out an impression that they shouldn't mess with me because I have been through too much shit to hear their bullshit suggestions. :-X

My final project is... this 18x24 canvas wrapped in plastic wrap (rosed-color but painted with yellow so it ended up looking like an orange wrap)... but before I wrapped it, I painted it bright red everywhere except this 10x6 block in low corner. That block is framed with red/orange thick paper... inside of that block is three squares- which represent my life, chronicigally (sp). First square has a pink gingham plaid with a hearing device (Body Hearing Aid) painted on it... the next square has this frabics of red and yellow stripes (tomboy type of stripe shirt) with a hearing aid placed in the middle...and the last square is painted blue with a "signwrite" word for 'deaf' painted in white outline. The bright red background outside of that block have many inscriptions and quotes written... mostly negative like, "Deaf and DUMB", "MUTE", "ARE YOU RETARDED", "OH I AM SORRY YOU ARE DEAF", and several pictures of deaf people throughout my life such as Heather Whitestone (Miss America 1995, whom is deaf) and I. King Jordan (deaf president of a deaf college), and Chrissy Smith the deaf player on tv show Survivor... and three objects- a picture of cochlear implant, a street sign of "DEAF CHILD AREA" and a DPN pin button... all of those chaos were wrapped in orange-tinted plastic wrap. So everything is .... transparent but that block which is my childhood. Me in the hearing world but I don't connect with the hearing world directly so everything happened in the hearing world where they made a huge fuss about deaf roles were being ignored by me because for me, that is life. Deaf is everywhere... i know it. and I have two quotes on the left and right frame of the blocks that are like pillars for my princples and viewpoint about the deafness- "Deaf Can Do Antyhing except hear." and "being deaf doesn't make me stupid but it makes lots people around me stupid". So....

Don't you think that is too intense for hearing audience who have no exposure to deaf world beside having me in their classses?

Hmmph. Understand, that artwork was not my first choice to make a self-portrait. At first, i want to make a watercolor painting of a lotus in a pond surrounding by daisies- to show that I am unique among the originals... (i have a spiritual meaning and connection with the concept of a lotus flower).... but then I thought it was too "deep" and personal for me to feel comfortable to present. So i went with the most obvious personal trait- deafness. It is not personal for me, but then I realized, yes it is personal but I am open-minded about it because I am all about spreading the deaf awareness and so on. So i am hoping those kids don't think I am all that when there is actually a deeper side to me than that deaf issue.

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