Sunday, November 4

Asthma sucks.

I hate asthma. I especially hate it when I get an attack.

I try to stop it, but it keeps coming. I cannot escape from it. All I have to do is just sit and twindle my thumbs and hope for the best.

It is just so frustrating-- that I have to drop everything and focus on stablizing myself and counting the minutes until I can finally have my whole lungs back. The best analogy that I can give you is from an public adverstiing seen below:

It does! You see the poor goldfish gasping for water? It is the same thing-- I gasp for air, and try to catch a full breath but only get a third of my lungs to fill up...It is as if my chest is in a vise and I cannot wiggle out of the tight vise.

Obviously I had an asthmatic attack earlier today. It always came out of the blue-- I was in the kitchen, chatting with my husband, then all sudden I gasped for the air. I usually could handle my attacks within a matter of few minutes, but this one was difficult to maintain and went on too long that I ended up asking for my inhaler.

Oh how I hate my inhaler! I was so ashamed of it-- especially in PE classes-- I knew I need it when the class was sent out to run a mile... I tried to hide it in my sweatpant's wristband, stuffed in my sock, anything to conceal it.

One day I used it (like on all other days when I had to run a mile), my high school PE teacher saw me and didn't know I have asthma. He told me that I needed to fill out out a medical form (so I won't get arrested for "illegal drugs") and pulled up my grade from D to B-. Why? Because I never can run the cursed mile within 13 minutes. (I had to slow down a lot to let my lungs adjusted and getting its air). Yay, my GPA looked better and I am waivered from trying ot run a mile under 13 minutes!
then all suddenly I get the special treatment. "You OK? we can slow down for you..." stop. Just go and run ahead without me. Go and lose weight and gain muscles.

I sulk when I have to bring my inhaler with me. I did use to dump it at home but with recent incidents, I do now carry around my inhaler in my purse just in case. None of my friends know I have asthma until I have to use it in their presence-- and they always go: "I didn't know you have asthma..."
Well, how do I make it obvious for you?

"Hi my name is Kirsi and I have asthma!"


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