Friday, September 18

No Longer a Diary?

 A bit of history about this blog:  I originally started this blog as a diary. It was over at "scribbles.nu" but then it closed down so I relocated to this site, Blogger.
 For me, this blog was like writing a diary but anonymously. I didn't use names and I only mentioned where I am from. But if you read through the entires, you can figure out who I am-- a deaf female student... high-schooler...with typical teenager stuff. Stresses about dating, SAT scores, college admission, raving about not having a car, and so on.
I used "gnarlydorkette" as my handle. Nobody knew who I was and I was able to write freely about anybody-- included my ex-boyfriends and so-called "friends."
Why? I was safe. Nobody in my circles were geeks like me. Nobody in my circles knew what a blog is. So I was safe with my secret about this blog out in the public.

But of course, as time went on... and the next hot thing was video log, known as "vlog" now. 
Yes. I am blaming the vlogs for exposing me. 
Funny-- the title of this blog is "dorkette:exposed"... which came true. Oh, the irony.

By adding a vlog, a face is plastered all over my blog-- my face. People in the real world (anybody remembers "irl"?) identified me as 'gnarlydorkette'. 

Now this blog is no longer a diary.  
This blog now serves as my information center where I can share information and write down thought-provoking entries.  

Now as I become nostalgic about the old days-- I definitely miss writing a diary anonymously. The exhilaration of getting my emotions and thoughts out in the public. It is like making my signature on the world--  a graffiti online. 
I do not like own an actual diary because who would read it?  I like the idea of people reading my diary online, because they may find it interesting, helpful, or entertaining. I didn't mind all that because I just hoped that I can find my niche. An audience that understands me.  That sense of bonding. I miss that.

But how do I write a diary anonymously?
I am "gnarlydorkette" ever and forever. 
I am no longer an anonymous person. 
I cannot share my thoughts, emotions, anything without a fear of retaliations. 

And that is a bit sad... I have limited my creativity because of what I have done on my blog.  Now I wonder if I regret the title of this blog? Did I curse myself when I became witty with the title, "dorkette:exposed"?

Oh, here I go again-- thought-provoking. 

1 comment:

LaRonda said...

Awesome personal post. Love it. because I have come to know you and join your fans, I enjoyed reading this particular post. Hoping to meet you in person one day.

I share similar thoughts.... meanderings... our blogs and vlogs have changed our anonymity. Indeed.

But no regrets. It's been a journey.

~Hugs.

~ LaRonda