Friday, August 6

Attitude

I will admit that I do have an attitude problem. Now I must say that I have improved as a person since high school (the worst years of having an attitude problem). Often I have to check myself before I bite people's heads off with snippy remarks. My attitude is something that some people love, and also something that people dislike me. I don't blame them, after all I am not your average happy easygoing person.
I do have a bitter side that infects my attitude problem. My first reaction is to be armed with a mean remark. Luckily, it only happens in my head so I would feign a smile in public while my "attitude" voice raged inside mu head.
Occassionally my husband witnessed my attitude* outbursts toward other people who were not aware (*attitude problem is also called "road rage"). If you have been in my car while I drive, you may see a glimpse of my inner attitude-- a glimpse of a bitter teenager-- but I always apologize afterward.
My attitude is a love-hate relationship. My attitude sets me apart. It makes me who I am. I am that "hard-ass bitch". I don't view "bitch" a a negative quality. It just means I am not a pushover and you know it. I like my attitude because it made me real.
However, too often I missed opportunities of making new friends because of my inner bitch. So I regret that I can't be that silly-happy girl who doesn't care about anything but life and fun. That girl who always smile all the times. That girl always has plenty of friends.
So even though I want to have fun and have a careless life, the major hurdle for is to smile.
It ia like a chicken and egg problem-- do I not smile because of my attitude problem? Or I have an attitude problem because I don't smile often?
So in conclusion-- I am fully aware that I may come across as a bitch, but at least you know I am real and you can use me to bite people's heads off if they do you wrong. I am a fearless bitch an I embrace it. Now I will try to work on being a fearless bitch that SMILES.

1 comment:

Karen Mayes said...

~laughing~

It's called "maturing"... ;-)